Greetings random visitor and Imaginary Readers!
As some of you may have gleaned from my absence the last couple of days, I was off busy somewhere else. Only this time it didn’t have to do with the ongoing prepartions for our move to India, described elsewhere in this blog.
While we were at Penukonda this past February and March, Swami Kaleshwara told us students that he planned one last big trip to the States this spring, and then he’d stay put at the ashram so as to concentrate on other spiritual projects, including the upcoming Soul University program. Right now, he’s in the middle of that trip. I believe he also stopped in Austin, and yesterday he wrapped up an event in Laytonville.
Even the Laytonville visit alone was a pretty massive affair, because Kaleshwara’s a busy guy and he likes to maximize his efficiency and effectiveness wherever he goes. Thus, at the Divine Assistants temple in Laytonville he held a large talk which was open to the general public, met with people privately or in small groups for healings for life-threatening illnesses, conducted a small private fire puja (ceremony) for roughly 20 people (myself and my partner Stephanie included), and had lengthy teaching discussions with at least two "process" groups that I know of (we were involved with one of these as well).
A word about this thing called a "process": From time to time, Kaleshwara will take a group of people and instruct them on some particular aspect of spiritual development. Through stories, historical details, explanations, and other means, he helps his students to understand and comprehend basic and profound truths about how the universe works. Then, frequently, he’ll instruct the group to follow some practice of meditation and/or guidelines to foster growth in that direction — although it’s often not obvious what’s going on. Later, sometimes months or longer after the initial teaching session, he’ll often meet with the group again to complete it and/or instruct the students toward the next stage of development.
In fact, on this current trip, in LA this coming weekend, he’s offering a process that is open to anybody who has signed up for it. What that process will be about, I haven’t a clue. Even after it’s started, I still likely won’t really know exactly what it’s supposed to accomplish — but the point is to have faith that whatever it is, it’ll be good for me and for my spiritual growth. And good as well for whomever else shows up with an open heart and open mind, and a willingness to try something. (That’s one of Kaleshwara’s prime statements: He doesn’t tell us just to take everything on faith. He’s always saying, "Don’t just take my word for it, guys! Try it for yourself and see what happens.")
I was part of a group of people that started a process with him last November during his previous visit — and this time around he sat with us for many hours to complete that first stage and to set us on course for the next. That said though, unfortunately I can’t get into the details because it’s a private matter between this group and our Swami. Just the way it is. Suffice it to say that now I have a clearer understanding of what we were doing and why it can be important and useful. That first day’s session ran really long though — we got there at noon and were still busy with stuff until close to 11pm. Nityaananda, one of Kaleshwara’s most senior students and one of the heads of the group that runs the Laytonville temple, said that he was really surprised he spent that much time with us, that he must’ve been really pleased with us and our progress. After that, Stephanie and I attended the small private fire ceremony led by Kaleshwara, and didn’t get back to our motel room until 1am.
Oh, and I should add the weather was far from nice that day. Rain, rain, and more rain. The roads up in those hills to the northeast of Laytonville are not the best either, essentially nothing more than graded hard tracks cut into the slopes. Made for an interesting white-knuckle drive back to Willits.
The next day’s weather was a bit better, although still overcast, windy and chilly. Stephanie and I had signed up to help out with the preparations for what ended up being a quite large crowd. At a guess, I’d put the numbers at around 200 or so, which ain’t bad. But before that, Kaleshwara wanted to meet with our process group one more time to wrap up the first day’s teachings. As part it, when he finished our talk, we all washed with buckets of water and the water from coconuts a huge statue that was to be moved from outside the temple to inside. With song and many strong backs, the move was accomplished — but then there was to be a puja fire, to burn the broken coconuts and offerings of flowers and ghee (clarified butter).
Great confusion, as people tried simultaneously to participate in or watch the statue move. The fire was nearly put out due to folks’ eagerness to pile on wood fuel and the rather damp coconuts. A couple of the senior students got the situation under control and began tending the fire. Eventually though, the 300lb statue was rolled away and most of the crowd followed — including the fire tenders!
I saw a job that needed doing, so I began doing it. At first, I just got it burning better, then began adding wood carefully and poured on lots of spoonfuls of ghee. After a while, it was finally hot enough to begin adding the coconuts and fresh flowers, although just a little at a time. Much of the afternoon, I was on fire duty by myself; half of it helped by Stephanie, who also got huge blessings from the duty. From time to time, people would wander by, but most were busy either with the statue, then later with Kaleshwara’s public talk.
Me, I stayed by the fire. Kept feeding it… and feeling that for my own part, I was doing the most important thing I could possibly be doing at that time. Seriously, it was a deep, intense feeling of personal satisfaction and bliss, and as I watched the flames, I kept feeding all my troubles, fears, and worries into it. All my blocks, all my negative karma. Frequently, I would mentally or verbally chant a fire mantra.
So I missed the talk. I also apparently missed a thing where Kaleshwara did a big healing and public miracle. But again, it was beyond okay. I feel I got a HUGE blessing, being permitted to care for that fire, to have that responsibility.
In one memorable moment, a striking black-haired woman — an older woman who, nevertheless, I could not believe was 70 years old though she said she was — kept coming back to the fire pit. She told me that three separate times, she tried to go elsewhere, only to have someone turn her away. We got to talking and eventually the topic of the ashram came up, living in India and all that, and she said she’d spent six years there, and had finally left a couple years ago. Of course, I mentioned that we were leaving for there next month ourselves, and planned to stay indefinitely. My new acquaintance said that the greatest gift she got was that of being totally FREE now — by that, I presumed she meant free of the wheel of karma. But she said she also realized it had been no accident that her path kept bringing her back to the firepit, and to me. With some of the most intense eyes I’ve ever seen, and in a voice that barely sounded like hers, she urged me, that if I remembered nothing else, that the single most important thing to know and to do is to surrender. Whatever good or bad happens, surrender it to the Divine. Confusion, doubt, fear, anger, frustration, pain — surrender it. Even the good, surrender that, too.
I had to take those words to heart, because surrendering is one of the hardest things for me to do. When I said "I understand, I’ll try", she got a look on her face that said, "No no, you don’t understand! There is no ‘try", you must DO." (No Yoda reference intended.) Whether she realized it at the time or afterwards, it’s okay, I think I got it. I simply must learn how to do this, and reliably, not just when I’m pushed to the breaking point — like last summer with that back injury.
We spoke more, but that was the gist of her message to me…and again, I’m sure that wasn’t just some random chance. Nor do I think I was speaking with someone ordinary.
A little after 4pm, the talk ended. Previously, there’d been a public fire puja scheduled, but this ended up being cancelled, possibly because the talk ran long. Whatever the case, Kaleshwara wanted to meet with the other (and smaller) of his process groups and asked everyone else to depart. Luckily, I’d finished with the coconuts and flowers and the fire was burning down quite nicely — in essence, my job had come to an end anyway, too. Since it was a bit earlier than we’d previously planned when we got back to the motel in Willits, Stephanie and I decided against staying the extra night, opting to head on home. It’s only a 4 hour drive, so wasn’t that big a deal…and besides, a waterbed beats a hotel bed any day.
My online buddy RacerOla1 posted a comment in yesterday’s post, mentioning that he was interested in hearing how an ‘average US born citizen’ views teachings like those of Kaleshwar. Well, my friend, there’s the rub. True, part of me is just an average person…and maybe I can try to speak from that viewpoint. But those who know me closely also know that there’s a lot about me that is so far from average, I can’t even see the bell-curve from where I’m at. That’s no exaggeration either. "Becca?" they’d say. "Average? Normal?" Anything further would likely be lost in gales of uncontrollable laughter.
This isn’t to say I lacked ‘ordinary’ origins. I was raised in a blue-collar family in the suburbs north of Pittsburgh, PA, and brought up as a Roman Catholic. I left that faith long behind though when I found I simply could not accept the notion of eternal boundless bliss or suffering as a consequence of how one led a single ordinary human lifetime. There’s just no proportionality to it. Nor could I see an ultimate point to such an outcome. It seemed to me that the only thing a soul ever did in those circumstances was either worship God forever or suffer unspeakable torments forever. Why? What for? If Hell is supposed to be a deterrent for immoral and unethical behavior, I’d have to suggest it really isn’t working out as planned now, is it? What purpose does pain and suffering serve, if one cannot ever learn from it and eventually be redeemed? As for Heaven, okay, so let’s say you get there. What then? You sit around forever doing absolutely nothing. Talk about pointless. I mean, sure, divine bliss would feel good, but it seems a tragic waste of a sentient being to let it vegetate forever and ever, amen.
I don’t mean to disparage other people’s faith in saying this. I’m just saying what I believe, for myself. So I went seeking other answers. I later found I rather liked Wicca, particularly for its love of nature, belief in a Divine Mother as a source of life and spirit, and its generally libertarian crede, "And it harm none, do as you will" — with ‘harm’ being defined in very broad terms, and including onesself. For example, it would harm me to drink alcohol to excess or to smoke tobacco, even if it was something I wanted (which I don’t particularly, but just sayin’). But the trouble there is that Wicca is a ‘recovered’ religion. Much of it was gleaned from the remains after organized Christian faiths deliberately tried to stamp it out under claims that its followers were engaging in black magic and devil worship. (Nothing could be further from the truth for a true follower of Wicca.) To borrow a quip, I was not a follower of any organized religion, but a Wiccan. That lack of organization though often would lead groups in odd directions, adding and grafting bits and pieces of various faiths onto the central tenets. Moreover, a Wiccan circle is only as good as its members. I belonged to a great group back on the east coast, but then two key members left and the group dissolved soon afterwards. I never again found a really good group to which I could belong, and so for a very long time called myself a Solitary Witch. It can be done, but it’s hard…and lonely. Even with a spouse who is also Wiccan, the ceremonies can seem flat, dry and pointless.
If I had to pick another faith that suited me, I’d either have to go Quaker or Buddhist. Either would do…but despite knowing of them, neither really called to my heart. I really wasn’t looking for anything when my friend Alx came back from India, still my dear friend but a profoundly changed woman. Those changes made me curious to learn more…and thus my path wandered to Sai Swami Kaleshwara.
One of the really amazing things about Kaleshwara is that he will tailor his teachings based on his audience. If with a group of Buddhists, he’ll speak about Buddha. For Muslims, he’ll speak on Mohammed. And for westerners, it’s often Jesus he refers to. The real point of all this is that there are multiple paths, but only one mountain — one Divine. We’re all like the blind men trying to define an elephant by touch — each has a piece of the truth, and each is true, but none of it is the whole. To see that totality, one must step beyond the limitations, to learn to see.
And that, my friends, is in a nutshell why I’m going to India. To learn to see. To experience more of life and the world than I have thus far. To grow my mind and soul and heart so they can encompass more of the divine truths. And so that I can gain that which my black-haired acquaintance at the firepit has: Freedom.
