Wenger 16999 Giant Swiss Army Knife – Amazon review

Product Image

1.0 out of 5 stars Not enough tools, March 23, 2012
By Rebecca Morn "Technowitch" (Placitas, NM, USA)

This review is from: Wenger 16999 Giant Swiss Army Knife (Tools & Home Improvement)

If I'm spending a grand on a multi-tool, it had better do every damned thing. Where's the chainsaw? Or the shotgun attachment?

Surely a tool like this should have a built-in grapple-launcher, an assassination garrote, and a Ninja shuriken-dispenser. (To dispense Ninja-type shurikens, of course, and not actual Ninjas because that would be silly. Not to mention impractical. Suppose they turned on you, then what would you do? Exactly — you'd have no shurikens to throw back at them, unless you were lightning fast and could catch theirs. I guess technically that would make you a Ninja, which leads me back to the absolute utility in having a handy shuriken dispenser. Which this Swiss Army knife does not include.)

Suppose I want to enjoy a little casual weekend trepanation? There's not a single tool on this thing appropriate to drill a precision hole in one's own skull. I mean, I suppose one could try using the awl, followed by the file and saw blade, but it's sure to do a lousy job of what needs to be delicate work, otherwise you end up a drooling idiot because you accidentally punctured the dura mater, and who wants that? I mean, c'mon, where's the angled mirror so you can perform halfway competent self-surgery? Plus there's no port to plug in the anesthesia mask.

Also missing:
– Blow-gun
– Nose-hair trimmer
– Sextant
– Cat whistle
– Voice-activation module
– Snorkel and/or auxiliary oxygen supply
– Jet-pack fuel line repair tool
– Miniature shovel (for when one is accidentally buried alive)
– Brick-bender
– Subcutaneous GPS transponder removal tool
– Left-handed compass winder
– And lots more.

I was tempted to give two stars, having noted the duplicated and redundant flat-blade 3.5, 4.0 and 6.0mm screwdrivers (never hurts to have spares, given they do tend to snap off when opening cans of sterno or crow-barring into sunken derelict submarines), but where's the 5.0mm screwdriver?! Talk about a major design omission.

Anyway, at least add the shuriken dispenser and maybe we can talk.


About Becca

Owner and proprietor of this here establishment
This entry was posted in Humor, Just stuff. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Wenger 16999 Giant Swiss Army Knife – Amazon review